I am in a vortex of obligation.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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