my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
