not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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