Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
