help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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