Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
