You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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