I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
