genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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