Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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