I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
