Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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