Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Acid is not a monday night drug
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
