margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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