we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
