thus making me awesome and them whores
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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