You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
