Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
