They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
