Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
