my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
