it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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