its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
