i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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