"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
