We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
