So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize