u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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