so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
