..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
