Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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