where am i from again
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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