She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
