He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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