so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
