and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
