This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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