Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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