I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
