Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
