i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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