Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
