did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
