youre lurking in front of me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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