I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
