im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
