I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
