The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
