Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
