I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
