I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
