I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
