You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
