Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
