After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
