highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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