I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
