I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
