If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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