That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize