No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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