Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
organizing the empties. That sober.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize