you didnt know i had herpes?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
