Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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