He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
