i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize