All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
