Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
