end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
