Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
