Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
