the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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