Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
