You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
