no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
