I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
