you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
