So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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