he puts the penis in happiness.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
