no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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