U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
