I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
